


desperation

by letthesongtakeflight



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 50 Ironwidow Kisses, 50 Kinds of Kisses, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Kissing Prompt, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Natasha represses her feelings, Not A Fix-It, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Secret Relationship, Temporary Character Death, oh god so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letthesongtakeflight/pseuds/letthesongtakeflight
Summary: //So, by disintegration or thirst, Natasha’s husband was dead.//Kiss 14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.
Relationships: Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 81
Collections: 50 Ironwidow Kisses





	desperation

Five hundred hours. That’s how long it had been since they lost contact with Tony. One moment he was jogging with Natasha in Central Park, the next he was flying into space after Thanos’s ship. The last time she heard his voice frizzling over a rapidly weakening phone signal that suddenly cut out.

Five hundred hours. No food, no water, no oxygen, in the cold vastness of space. Humans could only survive for three days without water. Tony could probably push it to five on pure stubbornness. But under that shining armour of red and gold, beneath the expressionless helmet, Tony was painfully human.

Even if by some miracle he survived in space for twenty one days, there was still the Snap. Half the universe reduced to ash. Natasha had watched Wanda, Bucky, Sam, turn into dust. Who was to say Tony escaped? Nothing – not his brains, nor his charm, nor his suit – could save him from arbitrary chance.

So, by disintegration or thirst, Natasha’s husband was dead.

They had married in secret almost a year ago. After Steve and the rogue Avengers left the team. They did not tell their teammates. All they needed was a promise to each other. That they would stand by each other’s side, no matter what. The only ones who knew were Rhodey, as Tony’s oldest friend, and Peter, who like a son to Tony. And to Natasha, too, grudgingly. Now the boy was gone with Tony, leaving Natasha to grieve for both of them alone.

In the days after the Snap, she stayed in Wakanda with the rest of the surviving Avengers. She and Steve fell back into their old, easy camaraderie, opposing sides and past loyalties forgotten in the wake of shared tragedy. She kept busy with relief work, trying to stop herself from worrying about her husband. After all, if anyone could control an alien spacecraft and get back to Earth, it was the man who made a breakthrough in arc reactor technology and built an iron man suit in a cave with a box of scraps.

A week later and Tony still did not return. Natasha and the rest of the Avengers returned to the compound. Although there were more people living there now than since before Steve and Tony’s split, it still felt unbearably lonely without Tony or Peter. Deep inside, Natasha knew that if Tony could find a way back to her, he would be here by now.

Another week passed without any sign of Tony. Quietly, Natasha resigned herself to his death. Late one night she found Rhodey digging through the kitchen. He froze when his bloodshot eyes saw her. In a voice scratchy from crying, he asked her if they had any alcohol. She told him that they didn’t keep any since Tony got sober. While she handed him vodka from her secret stash. They drank until Rhodey broke down sobbing, but Natasha did not shed a single tear. There was nothing left in her to cry. Every part of her that was soft, every part of her that could feel, died with Tony. Leaving only a hollowness that was vast because of all that had once filled that space.

The third week after the Snap, a superpowered woman dropped a spaceship outside the compound. Natasha almost couldn’t bring herself to care. But a lifetime’s worth of training kicked in, closer to instinct than instinct itself. Without conscious thought, she leapt up with her gun in hand. Not moving but tense as a coiled spring, ready for whatever happened next.

But she could not have been ready. The spacecraft’s door lowered on shuddering hinges. Tony stood in the opening, supported by the alien girl. Natasha half-choked, half-gasped. For the first time in three weeks she could breathe and the sudden rush of oxygen made her light-headed. Before she knew it, she was running across the lawn, the others close behind her.

Steve – damn his super soldier speed and longer legs – got to Tony first. He hesitated, torn between wanting to hug Tony and not knowing if it would be welcome.

That moment was all Natasha needed to catch up to him. She threw her arms around her husband. She half-embraced, half-supported him when he collapsed into her arms with a hoarse cry.

He was _here_. He was _alive_. The proof of it was in his comforting weight, his ragged breathing, his stubble against her cheek. The thump of his heart beneath the hum of the arc reactor. It was also in her own body – the beat of her own heart, the rush of blood in her veins, every breath she drew in that smelled like him.

Their mouths sought each other’s and they kissed with desperation. Tony’s hand slid to the back of Natasha’s head and he clutched her to him, as though she were food and water and air. With every kiss, Natasha felt alive again, the wretched hollowness filled by Tony’s warmth and weight and his mouth against hers. She kissed him with the full consciousness of how much she had come close to losing, how much she had thought was lost already.

When the kiss ended, she did not release her hold on him. “I thought you were dead,” she whispered. Her voice was trembling though her feet were steady enough for both of them.

“So did I.” He looked at her, all hollow-eyed gauntness. “And all the while, I kept thinking of you.”

She pressed her lips to his again, reassuring both of them that he was alive.

“Peter?” she asked. He didn’t say, but the ashen look on his face confirmed her worst fear. Her stomach sunk and a vice tightened around her lungs again. The hollowness gnawed from some edge, wanting to be let in. She held Tony tight, feeling the same hollowness within him. But feeling his strength, too, pooling with hers, and together it was enough to keep the hollowness at bay.

There was work to do. People to save, a son to mourn, friends to avenge and a titan to kill. But for now, Natasha thought – as Rhodey threw his arms around Tony and chided him for almost dying again – Tony was alive. He was home. And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this fucked me up. Please comment so I didn't wring my heart and soul for nothing lol.
> 
> (Yes I know that's not EXACTLY how Tony comes back in Endgame I know the team met Carol first but I don't want to rewatch Endgame because Endgame doesn't exist I don't know her)
> 
> Taking ironwidow or buckynat (or any Marvel except Starker and Brucenat) requests on my tumblr @katebishopofearth


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